BO BURNHAM: MAKE HAPPY SENTENCE STARTERS.

• “you should not laugh.”
  
• “you should not forget about your problems.”
  
• “the world is not funny.”
  
• “i have no idea what’s going on over there.”
  
• “what are they fighting about?”
  
• “i can’t wrap my mind around exactly why i’m here.”
  
• “you wanna be happy, well, get in line.”
  
• “i love the idea of you.”
  
• “that wasn’t clever, just mean.”
• “do not give those dumb fucks any credit.”
  
• “honesty’s for the birds, baby.”
  
• “why is there a little boy living alone down the lane?”
  
• “am i the only one concerned for this little boy?”
• “if you’re writing honestly, that’s art.”
  
• “that’s textbook pandering.”
  
• “that’s a scarecrow, thought it was a human woman, sorry.”
  
• “i hope you’re feeling me subtextually.”
  
• “the boots i’m wearing cost three grand.”
  
• “you don’t know what land you’re in.”
  
• “they’re lying and manipulating you.”
• “you deserve better.”
  
• “thank you, weird man. bye.”
  
• “culture’s over, everybody, we lost.”
  
• “how dare they think them fucking around is worthy of your attention?”
  
• “yeah, ‘whoo’ that sadness out.”
  
• “if you want love, lower your expectations a lot.”
• “if he’s got a thing for feet, say, fuck it, sweep me off them.”
  
• “you might think your dick’s a gift, but i promise, it’s not.”
  
• “but deep down we know we don’t deserve it.”
  
• “we all deserve love, even on the days we aren’t our best.”
  
• “original doesn’t mean good.”
• “why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?”
  
• “touché, bitch.”
  
• “i have to clean it up because you’ll only mess it up more if you do.”
  
• “flaming hot cheetos are not for pussies.”
  
• “they’re not sponsoring me, i’m just trying to get them to.”
  
• “do not stick with me through thick.”
  
• “if i stop entertaining you, kick me to the curb.”
  
• “man, if only i was anybody else at all.”
• “i went through a pretty rough breakup recently.”
  
• “it’s over.”
  
• “we shouldn’t fight to stay together just to fight again.”
  
• “eat a dick.”
  
• if you don’t like this dick sitch, eat a dick, bitch.”
• “i try to speak to you but you don’t listen.”
  
• “honestly, are you fucking five?”
  
• “i’m saying how i’m feeling and you’re saying ‘eat a dick’ over and over again, does that seem mature to you?”
  
• “i’m hurt and i’m trying to hide it.”
  
• “i thought we had a future together.”
  
• “i didn’t think you’d cry for me.”
  
• “i thought you were lashing out in anger but now i see you’re scared.”
  
• “maybe we can work this out and not break up.”
• “you think three lousy tears offsets three years of shit?”
  
• “you’re not what i need, hon; lick this clit then leave, son.”
  
• “can i say my shit?”
  
• “i’ve got lots of shit to say.”
  
• “i can’t fit my hand inside a pringle can.”
  
• “you think you can, i know you can’t.”
• “irony can be so painful.”
  
• “dude, you should’ve warned me.”
  
• “half the shit inside my burrito spilled out.”
  
• “i wouldn’t have got the _______ if i knew it wouldn’t fit.”
  
• “truth is, my biggest problem’s you.”
  
• “i wanna please you but i wanna stay true to myself.”
  
• “a part of me loves you, a part of me hates you.”
  
• “i don’t think that i can handle this right now.”
  
• “if you hated it, that’s fair.”
  
• “on a scale of one to zero, are you happy?”
  
• “i really wanna try to get happy.”
  
• “i wouldn’t even want it if i got it.”
  
• “oh god, my dad was right.”
  
• “you’re everything you hated, are you happy?”