your dreams are like fire && ice .
the blood in your veins is sludge .
you no longer understand your own feelings , but you wonder if you ever truly did . the pain in your head is almost tangible now , like , SUDDENLY , you can’t even breathe through it , && your hell is real . your hell is real , && you can feel it , warm like the blood that runs through your hands && into every crevice of your fingerprints .
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CALL THIS ?
you keep crumbling , && it’s like no one can see you anymore . you’ve become a ghost to the world , see through , invisible . perhaps glimpses slip through , or maybe you just appear a BLANK SLATE to them , to the normal people .
the normal people . the LIVING . you feel sick ; you can barely breathe . you are not one of them- perhaps you never will be again . you threw away all your chances to fit in in early adolescence && this is your penance . for the bags under your eyes . for the pain in your wrists . for the skinny jeans that clung far too tight to your protruding bones . the bloody noses weren’t enough to pay for your sins , so BOW DOWN && TAKE THE PAIN !!!
did you ever kill anyone ? do you know how to answer that ? does SHE count ?
- how the fuck can you say you killed her if you don’t even KNOW if she’s dead ? her death is a sin of omission , if anything , && you still refuse to believe she’s gone ( she might not be , right ? she might still be out there , living && breathing &&- )
you’re drifting , in the fire && ice river that flows through the cracks in your skin , floating down the thames just like the day you died . sometimes it turns into blood , && when you wash ashore you’re COATED IN IT . the scar on your neck aches . where are you ? WHAT IS THIS PLACE ?
( you’re paralysed , but your eyes keep moving ; you can watch him as he finds the needle &&- )
you could have sworn it was light-
( you’re on your knees , && he’s holding you up by your hair ; she’s screaming && you can’t even close your eyes- )
you don’t recognise this street-
( more blood is filling your mouth than you ever remember before ; his hands are cold && you are a failure- )
there aren’t any people anymore-
( you feel cold && terrified ; you can feel yourself fading until even his bright lights turn black- )
you feel like your ribs are constricting around your lungs , tighter && tighter && tighter UNTIL-
( it’s the riverbank . your blood’s mostly washed off in the water . you’re cold , but you can’t tell if that’s the HYPOTHERMIA , or the BLOOD LOSS . you stare at the stars for hours , too weak to even sit up . you can’t even feel your heart beating . too weak . everything spins && blurs out of control until it all paints a truly gruesome picture- kate . blood pouring from her mouth , her nose . you call him the scientist but perhaps he just wanted a reason to kill some kids , torture ‘em till they were bleeding out on his tables- you’re going to find her , ALIVE . there’s no other option- )
you’re on your knees in the middle of the main road , clutching your chest with your CLAWS DIGGING INTO YOUR SKIN , cars rushing by you with their blaring horns- none of them stop . you could be screaming in pain && no one would care . you LEFT her . it’s been FIVE YEARS- Y O U L E F T H E R , && YOU STILL HAVEN’T FOUND HER . it’s YOUR FAULT , && YOU-
why aren’t they hitting you ? can’t they see your death is LONG OVERDUE ?